woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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