dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
