Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
