i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
