Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize