Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
