She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
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