he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
