I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I want to have your abortion
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
