He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize