So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
