I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
