i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
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