Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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