a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
