Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
