so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
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