Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
