I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
