Whatcha textin bout Willis?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
