i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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