Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
