He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
