stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
how do flat chested girls get laid?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
