my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
