I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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