K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
