rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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