He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize