when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
