I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
