would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
