Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
