Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
