It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
ugly people sure do ruin things
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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