Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize