2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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