omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
