His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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