so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize