I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
