whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
