if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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