me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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