Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize