if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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