Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
