I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize