whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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