It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
