The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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