I wish life had little blips of pornography
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Randomize
