but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
