Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
