I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
