so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
