dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
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