wakey wakey hands off snakey
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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