i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
