Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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