Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
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