Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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