What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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