So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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