In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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