Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I wish I only lived at night.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
