my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
