Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
