Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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