lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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