last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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