also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
