I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
