uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
