So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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