I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
