if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Randomize
