i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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