is your mom at the bar?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
