Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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