And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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