i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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