three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
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