if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
