Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
