Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
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