He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
