I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
