For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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