You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
