What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
