If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
My life is pants optional.
I currently don't understand fingers.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
