you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
