What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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