Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize