When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
