We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Just invented taco cereal.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
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