She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize